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Oh hey, what are the haps?

11 Jan

The haps? I will TELL you the haps:

1) I’m in the midst of transitioning into a new job. A big girl job, guys. This process has been taking up a great deal of my time.

2) I’m breaking up with Boyfriend. What? BAM! Welcome back! It’s a long story, one that will probably end up making its way into being my next post, but let’s just say that it’s time (and that it has been time for a while). I’ll get back to you once I work up the courage to take the little bag of his things that I’ve been carrying around with me for DAYS over to his place and get this over with (dammitfuckIhatethisshit).

3) I’ve been having nightmares! Absolutely horrible ones! Every! Single! Night!

For the pas two weeks!

Exclamation points aside, I honestly have no idea what’s going on. Each night it’s a different dream but it’s always horrifying enough that I end up wrenching myself awake just to get away from it. And then, naturally, I can’t fall back to sleep because I’m stricken with terror.

Needless to say that after two weeks of this, I’m really tired. Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing? Any suggestions? I’m getting desperate. And cranky.

4) Uuhhhhg…

5) I miss you? I miss you and I think you’re wonderful and think it’s finally safe to say that I am, in fact, back.

Hi.

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Not dead (yet)

27 Sep

Hello all you beautiful people.

So, I’m pretty much the worst blogger ever, aren’t I?

After a number of quasi-concerned comments (including a karmatic presumption of untimely demise from our friend, Jess ofAlone… With Cats. I believe I made up the word karmatic, and I did so to describe how fitting her presumption was considering that I did the same thing to her way back when. Consider us even, for now).

As per my subject line, I am in fact still very much alive (albeit more so in body than in spirit at the moment). And yet I have been exceptionally negligent with my bloggy duties, and for that I felt I should take a moment to apologize (especially seeing as, despite my prolonged absence, my views appear to rising. I’m not really sure what that’s all about but that thanks to you dedicated readers for continuing to stop by. I guess I’m better at this when I’m not really trying. At all.)

I truly did not expect to stay away as long as I have. To make matters worse, this past month has been full of all of the sort of life moments that beg to be blogged about. Never before have I felt like I’ve needed this community and this outlet as much as I have in the last few weeks, and naturally, I’ve hardly had a free moment to type up even a few stray thoughts.

My life, for lack of a more appropriate choice of terms, blew up this month. Shit met fan, the days were dark, etc. But things are slowly starting to look up and hopefully once September, like the house guest that has long since over stayed its welcome and finally starts to come to the awkward realization that no one likes it anymore, finally takes its leave, I will be back.

Not that I haven’t been known to be an epic flake, but I swear this time is different.

I miss this place and I miss you guys. I have so much to tell and so much to write.

So I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be back soon.

Love and hugs and junk,
Jam

BlissDom Canada and the issue of being an anona-blogger

2 Sep

Now that September is officially upon us, essentially making the proximity of autumn all but impossible to ignore, I finally feel that is safe to start talking about autumn-y things without having to face the wrath of people who seem to take personal offence to the very idea that summer might actually be over. You know, the ones that like to yell things like, “IT’S STILL SUMMER! DON’T TALK ABOUT FALL YOU’LL JINX/KILL US ALL”.

In caps lock no less!

Of course, the only autumn-y thing I actually want to talk about right now is BlissDom Canada and I’ve actually been talking about it all summer anyway so I’m not really sure why I decided that September (and by proxy, near-autumn) was the appropriate time to start blogging about it but HEY, I never claimed to make sense.

Deal with it.

Please?

Anyway, BlissDom.

If you’re registered to attend then you’ve no doubt received the super exciting agenda that was just sent out. And if you’re registered to attend and also happen to be something like me (although hopefully not too much like me. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone), then you got RIDICULOUSLY GIDDY before even opening the e-mail containing the super exciting agenda. Because between the changing of the seasons and the release of the agenda, there is one fact that simply cannot be denied – BlissDom Canada: IT IS COMING.

It’s also going to be WICKED AMAZING, so I guess there are two facts that simply cannot be denied.

Third fact? I’m going.

Now that summer is essentially over, it seems so much closer (which, heyo, it is) but also a lot more real. October felt so ridiculously far away a month ago and now I’m all OMG, I’ve got less than two months to prepare! Should I stay in the hotel or not? What should I wear? Should I have a strategy? Are the mommy-bloggers going to like me??.

But probably my biggest dilemma so far is thus – I, as the Jam that you all know and tolerate, am an anona-blogger. My identity is a secret and it’s a secret for specific reasons:

1) To protect the identities of the people in my life, especially those whose stories end up on this blog (positive or negative); and,
2) To be able to have an outlet through which to express myself without having to worry about how my thoughts/opinions/general life choices as expressed on this blog will impact my personal/professional life.

I’m fairly certain that this is the same deal for most anona-bloggers out there. For the most part, cavorting about the blogosphere (and Twittisphere!) by the name of Jam has been working out pretty well for me.

The only exception would be situations like the one I’m facing with BlissDom.

It’s similar to the time that Boyfriend and I went on vacation in Washington D.C. Being so painfully close to Virginia, I was incredibly tempted to send dear Megan (of Best of Fates fame) a message and see if she was up for an IRL meet ‘n greet.

Then I chickened out. I chickened out and looking back on it, I regret it (although there’s nothing to say that Megan wouldn’t have been incredibly weirded out and she might have even refused to ever speak with me again and that would have been both embarrassing and devastating all at the same time. Hell, she’s probably weirded out right now! I’m sorry, Megan! Please don’t give me the ol’ unfollow-block!)

I’ve often wondered how I would go about cultivating friendships I might make through this blog in the real world. Now that I’ve gotten to know some of you as well as I have, I’ve realized that these relationships are important to me and I’d like to be able to do things like meet with people and hang out and all that fun stuff that friends do. The idea of letting some people know who I am doesn’t seem quite as daunting as it once did.

But what makes BlissDom different from simply blurring the line with my blog and Twitter friends is that there will be the issue of having both identities in one place, trying to meet people and get up to general tomfoolery all without giving away who Jam is.

I feel kind of like a super hero, minus the super part.

My mild mannered alter-ego is going as the sassy young professional that she is. She is using this as an opportunity to learn and grow and network (and maybe also get up to some general tomfoolery. We ARE the same person after all). She’s not about to let everyone know that along with being an ambitious young woman that takes her career very seriously, she’s also an angsty 20sb, anonymously drabbling her way through a quarter-life crisis. AT THE SAME TIME.

Truth be told, Jam might be spending the whole conference locked in the hotel room closet without so much as the luxury of being able to order from room service.

I don’t know how big of a deal this will be (how many of you, dear readers, are actually going to BlissDom Canada anyway?), but it does raise a lot of questions about how anona-bloggers are supposed to go about making any real and lasting connections without sacrificing the things we choose to stay anonymous for. Is it even possible? I’d like to think that it is. Hell, I’m sure there are a lot of them that do it now! Hence me reaching out now.

So I want to hear from you, dear reader – Are you an anonymous blogger or do you at least keep a somewhat significant chunk of your personal identity a secret when you blog? If so, do you go to blogger conferences and events? How do you manage to marry your real life with your virtual one?

Do you think it’s possible?

Are you in the same boat as me?

Even if you’re not, share your thoughts! Let’s hash this thing out.

The Crazy Diaries

25 Aug

On Monday I had to say goodbye to a very good friend at the office. He and his family are relocating to the east coast – an exciting homecoming for them and a really sad loss for those of us being left behind.

His version of cleaning out his desk had four steps: throw away the garbage, recycle the recyclables, pack what’s to be saved into a single banker box and turf the rest on my desk. I inherited all kinds of crap from this guy: pens that barely work, broken pencil crayons, Clorox disinfecting wipes…My work place has suddenly gotten very crowded. And unruly.

Amid all the debris, there was one gem: a black, hard-cover notebook. On the front there is a label with his name printed in tiny letters in the corner and inside he had used only one page on which he had written a to-do list.

No word on whether or not any of those things ever got done.

In life, I have a ridiculous obsession with stationary. I hoard the shit like it’s the only thing that’s going to help me survive the apocalypse.

And who knows, maybe it will.

Pretty papers, quaint correspondence kits, copious amounts of postcards (that I’m only now finding reason to use!); I’ve got way more of it all than I’m ever going to need. But my biggest vice are notebooks.

I collect them.

I see one in a store with a lovely cover or that perfect binding or a creamy texture to the pages and IT IS MINE. I decide that each one should be used for something very special and then I either save it for whatever that something special is (Note: I never find out what that something special is) or I use one or two pages and then never touch it again. There might be a support group for this sort of thing, I don’t know.

Anyway, because it has become such a problem I finally had to forbid myself from buying anymore notebooks. As my luck would have it, this display of willpower was soon followed by the revelation that I needed to start keeping a journal/diary again. My reasons are thus:

1) A million different thoughts and ideas can go through my head in a day, some of which I know I want to post. But by the end of the day when I get home I’ve either forgotten the essence of what I wanted to say or I’m too exhausted to write it all out. So yes, my aim is to pull a Bridget Jones and carry that thing around with me everywhere. I’m a writer, dammit!

2) Speaking of being a writer, I’m so not. Well, sort of, but really, any grammar-savvy reader will be able to tell right away by looking at my posts that a real writer would never allow half the shit I publish to see the light of day (at least not without the help of a very patient editor). But I want to be better at writing and I see keeping a journal as a good way to improve.

3) Finally, even though this blog is anonymous, there are still things I’m either not comfortable with writing or that I’m simply not ready to tell on the internet. Regardless, these things still need an outlet and sometimes just moving them from the mind into the real helps.

Having the perfect notebook is essential when it comes to keeping a diary. Making sure that it’s something fresh is also important. This is the book that you are going to document all of your most precious memories and darkest secrets in! Don’t those things deserve to be housed in a wicked-awesome tome?

Of course they do.

And yet, when my friend handed me that black, hard-cover notebook with his name on the label and to-do list on the first page, I knew right away that it was what I was looking for. It’s not pretty and it’s been bumped and spilled on already, but it also belonged to a friend. I don’t think I’m going to change anything about it; his name and list can stay.

I think this is going to work out very nicely. I’ll let you know how it goes.

You’ve got mail! (Or at least you will soon)

10 Aug

Well, dear reader, I finally did it.

Totally worth the $6

Yes, I finally managed to get my ass to a post office and pick up stamps for my postcard project.

Postcards! For you! (maybe)

Do you know what that means?

This is what mail boxes look like in Canada. See? We're learning!

If you sent me an e-mail asking for a postcard I can now officially assure you that it is IN THE MAIL.

No joke. See that? In. The. MAIL.

ISN’T THAT EXCITING??

Well I think it is. I had a lot of fun picking out and writing each of these cards and I hope that each person who receives one enjoys it too. In fact, I enjoyed sending snail mail SO MUCH that I’ve decided that I’m going to do an open call for the Postcard Project every month. Because, let’s face it, I like being the bearer of good tidings almost as much as I enjoy making people miserable! I’m like Ebenezer Scrooge on that fateful Christmas morning! Merry Christmas, Tiny Tim! HAVE A POSTCARD. (Fun fact: While writing this post I got distracted and wound up checking out what you’ve all been up to lately and LO AND BEHOLD, Bea of The Engagement Project ALSO made a Scrooge reference in a recent post. Woah.)

If postcard participants can do me but one favour (to add some substance to the fact that I’ve just upgraded this from “just randomly sending postcards to blogger friends” to “legitimate Project” status): When you receive your postcard, take a pic of it (you can pose with it, prop it against your cat, stick it in a cake. I don’t really care. Bogus points for creativity!) and then send it back to me. I’ll do a recap of each mailing and link the card back to you’re blog/Twitter account (Don’t worry, I won’t write where you’re from/real name/any personal shiz. Nothing that the internet doesn’t already know, I promise). You don’t have to, I just think it might be neat 🙂

Feel free to drop me a line at any time at yesthisisjam [at] gmail [dot] com if you want to get in on this postcard business.

Extra incentive? Humphrey and the Beaver are still up for grabs.

Ha ha, Humphrey and the Beaver…

Editor’s note: For your peace of mind, no stalking was involved in the Postcard Project, nor will it ever be. Unless you happen to be Megan, but only on good hair days.

This bitch is back in business (miss me?)

28 Jul

I’ve been “out of the office” so to speak since last Friday and, let me tell you, it feels like a hell of a lot longer. Because so much has happened, I’ve decided to jump back into things by providing y’all with a little “The Past 5 Days in Review” post.

You’re thrilled; I can smell it from here.

1) Because I know you’re all dying to know what went down this past weekend when I went to visit my Romantically Challenged BFF, I will not keep you in suspense any longer: It wasn’t all that bad.

Sure, she abandoned me within an hour of walking through her door (after I drove four hours to see her, no less) to go have a heart-to-heart with her 21-year old ex of two days. And, yes, I did have to spend two and a half hours alone watching MTV by myself (Editor’s note: In life, I make a point of never watching MTV. This experience made me feel old and caused me undue stress as it gave me even more reason to fear for the future of humanity). But when another dear friend texted me for drinks and I called her to say “ENOUGH” she, believe it or not, totally obliged.

Yes, dear reader, she actually ENDED the conversation with her ex and CAME HOME so that she could actually SPEND TIME with me. I know this sounds like it should be a given but seriously, this was some major progress for her. AND THEN IT GOT BETTER because when she got back she APOLOGIZED for ditching me and said,

“I’ve been such a moron about all of this. Talking to him tonight made me realize just how not right for me he really it. I’m so sorry.”

And I was all, “Shit, have you been reading my blog?”

And she was like, “What blog?”

And I was all like, “NOTHING.”

Just kidding, no one’s allowed to know about this monstrosity. I to think I was actually THIS close to finally buying a wig this weekend but I wasn’t sure how to explain that one away to her. The last thing I need is for her to randomly stumble across this blog, complete with photos featuring the wig-that-could-have-been, and thinking to herself, “Something about this chick’s sloppy disguise seems awfully familiar…” (Because the detailed descriptions of her romantic tribulations couldn’t possibly give it away. HA HA OH GOD. If you’re reading this, BFF, you know that I love you).

But she did, in fact, drop the guy like a bad habit and we spent the rest of the weekend partying and having a drama-free time and it was awesome.

Seriously.

2) Romantically Challenged BFF may not have been reading my blog, but judging by a recent post by the Comics Curmudgeon himself, Mr. Josh Fruhlinger, has been.

Check out his genius review of a recent instalment of Mary Worth:

You might have to click to get the full impact of how truly amazing it is.

Is he right or IS HE RIGHT?

3) Speaking of previous posts and the interwebz proving points that I made in them: Remember the guy that incited the rage behind this post? Y’know, Mr. I’m-taking-an-indefinite-hiatus-from-Facebook-and-dramatically-announcing-it-to-my-totally-indifferent-friends?

Yeah, well that was Wednesday. He was back by Saturday.

Point = made.

4) When I said that I was going to pick up some postcards while I was away, clearly what I meant to say was that I was going to pick up just one. But that’s okay, because I made sure this one was EXTRA special:

It's a BEAVER, y'all!

First one to claim dibs on this rare beauty gets it.

And on that note, I know that I also said that I would be sending a bunch of cards out to you, my dear readers, on Monday. I haven’t unfortunately, and the reason for that brings us to my next point:

5) Middle Brother backed into my car.

I had maybe been home for three hours on Sunday night and just as I was crawling into bed I heard my mom shrieking at me from the bottom of the stairs. I had parked behind Middle Brother’s car, like I’ve done many times before, but he didn’t know I had come home. He works a night shift so it was already pitch black outside and, running a bit late as he was, he rushed out, jumped into his car and gunned it into reverse – right into the front of mine.

It was a pretty bad scene.

Needless to say, my mobility (and thus my ability to get to a post office) has been pretty limited this week. I think my car is going to pull through but you had better believe that this ordeal has caused all kinds of drama (ironically, not with Middle Brother in the slightest), most of which can be blamed for the fact that I’m only getting back to blogging now. On the plus side, my inability to go places has helped me to save a ridiculous amount of money that I would otherwise be wasting on junk I don’t need. And it’s only been 3 days. Good times.

I guess that’s it for now. As always, if you want to get in on this postcard business, it’s never too late to drop me a line at yesthisisjam [at] gmail [dot] com. Other than that, posts of more substance are coming soon.

P.S. Check out my wicked awesome BlissDom Canada blog badge in the side bar! How wicked is that? Oh, I’ll tell you – It’s MAPLETASTICS, bitches!

Friday Quickie – Lefty Loosey

23 Jul

The other day I was sitting on Boyfriend’s lap, attempting to play Brick Braker on his Blackberry with my left hand. Because I’m right handed, this proved to be somewhat difficult.

Him: Geeze, you’re REALLY bad at this game.

Me: No I’m not! I’m just not good with my left hand!

Him: Well, I KNOW that’s not true. You’re just bad at the game.

Compliments – I take what I can get.

I’m off to some big city for the weekend to visit friends. This includes my romantically-challenged and wholly irrational Best Friend (whom I also happend to be staying with). Pray for me, will you? Or don’t. Either way, there’s a good chance that this trip could end up being a short one.

As always, I can’t seem to stay off of Twitter so if by some chance you find yourself desperately needing your fix of Jam, you now know where to find me.

Also, as I tend to do while traveling, I plan on picking up some postcards while I’m away. I’ll be sending out my first batch on Monday so there is still (and, let’s face it, ALWAYS) time to get in on some snail mail! Check the deets here

That’s it! Have a good weekend, my lovelies!