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Pretty much my mental capacity in general right now

2 Nov

A Facebook chat between friend JP and I:

Me: UHG. I just threw up EVERYWHERE.

JP: WHAT? Are you serious??

Me: Oh wait, my bad. I totally meant “sneezed”.

JP: Woman, those are two VERY different things.

I think it’s time to (finally) catch up on some sleep.

On an unrelated note: OHAIGUYZ

Thanks to James Cameron, this post will get hits

9 Jun

There are a lot of reason why I chose to make this blog anonymous. The most obvious of these is that I like not having to worry about getting disowned or losing my job, friends, lover, etc over speaking my mind in an incredibly open forum (seriously, some people have NO sense of humour. Sheesh,)

But of course this freedom comes at a price. Mostly, I hate the fact that my sole visual representation is some half-assed image that features the background from my blog and the first two letters of my blog name SEPERATED BY A COMMA.

GOUNDBREAKING

This having been said, it has come to my attention that I need an AVATAR.

I’ve considered getting a fun wig in some OMG EXTREME shade of awesome and wearing a pair of outrageous glasses or something but I’m pretty sure someone’s already laid claim to that one.

Oh. Right.

Not to mention the fact that I think that those sort of accessories tend to draw attention (like when you’re out in public or by members of one’s own family. Because I obviously have no discretion as to WHEN I’d wear them) and, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that might end up doing more harm to my cause than good.

I could do the artistic shots of myself that obscure the important parts of my face (my forehead, obviously. If Sailor Moon taught me anything growing up it’s that the moment you cover up your forehead you become COMPLETELY UNRECOGNIZABLE). But how iconic can those kinds of photo really be? And I mean, the last thing I want you guys to do it mistake me for some kind of brooding hipster, or worse, as a cast-off from the MySpace generation.

Seriously, WHO IS THAT GIRL??

No, dear reader, when I say I need an avatar I mean so much more than just needing an updated image that represents me, the Jam you know and tolerate. I’m thinking something tangible that can represent me, like a little doll of figure – a ‘mini me’ that I can take with me and document discretely. She could the 2D to my Damon Albarn, the Cartoon Kate to my Kate Beaton. Except that she’d be physical. Dammit, those weren’t good examples. Please tell me that you’re picking up what I’m putting down anyway?

What I need is a Jamette.

My trouble is that I’ve always had a really hard time finding ways to represent myself. I agonize over writing bios and was never happy with self-portraits. I like to think that when I find the perfect item I’ll just know but so far it has been a pretty fruitless search.

I’ve been scouring Etsy in search of the perfect Jamette, but so far nothing has really caught my eye. I’ve considered just adopting the first toy I see upon entering a Toys R Us but I hesitate at trying to assume the identity of some other far more popular figure (as much as I’d like to fancy myself a superhero, I’m just not convinced that the Wolverine look is for me). I’ve even entertained the idea of making my own little minion but I get caught up in the details.

What about this guy? I have no idea what it is or where it came from but it's the only thing in my possession that might work...

Maybe I could make a project out of this. Maybe it could be fun. I could create something akin to Emily’swhimsy board” and hoard ideas and clippings of things that I think represent me until I have one giant collection of Jam that will hopefully inspire either the creation of an original Jamette or will point me in the direction of the perfect pre-existing piece…

Do you think this idea is weird enough to earn myself a “WTF Alchemy Request” on Regretsy?

Do I really want to find out?

Anyway.

While I launch into some heavily-narcissistic soul searching, I welcome recommendations from you, dear reader. Have you come acros a little something that could potentially be the perfect representation of yours truly? Are you aware of an artist that creates pieces that could make for a little Jamette? Or are you an semi-masochistic artist that thinks you’re up to this twisted little challenge?

Maybe I could turn this into a contest! Do I have something you want?

Sorry, my virginity has already be taken. Also, someone has already laid claim on both my first born and my soul (joke’s on them though because I neither have, nor am I planning on acquiring either. HA!)

Thoughts? Suggestions? Demand for an apology for wasting your time with such an inane post? Have your say in the comments!