Ivory soap makes everything better (and also funnier)

3 Aug

After writing my rather emo post yesterday, I decided that it was time to get out of the house for a while. I took Dexter for a nice long walk, rode my bike, breathed in some crisp country air and came back in feeling refreshed. And also dirty. Gotta love that country livin’.

I wandered my way upstairs to the bathroom to clean up and, wouldn’t you know it, we needed a new bar of soap. So I reached for a new slab of Ivory and this is what I saw:

It was as if that little bar of suds had read my mopey post about life and happiness and was saying, “I feel you, sista. I FEEL YOU. But you know what? YOU’RE GOING TO BE OK.”

And I was INSPIRED, people! The soap was right! Everything IS going to be ok! Life is too short to spend it being a weiner! Grateful, I tore off the wrapper and made sweet, sweet bubbles with that soap right then and there.

Which is to say I washed my hands. Don’t be gross.

This epiphany of squeaky clean proportions made me realize that maybe all I needed was a little pick-me-up to get me back in the game. I needed to laugh like it was my JOB (seriously, wouldn’t that be wicked?). And so, I turned to the one true source of endless hilarity in my life: the Internet.

Because I love ya’ll so much and because you put up with my whining and also because I love to spread the good cheer far and wide (and perhaps also because I’m running obnoxiously high on endorphins and therefore am hovering dangerously somewhere between peace-loving-hippie and sugar-addicted-freakshow), I decided that I would share with you all my favourite online destinations for hilarious good times:

1) Wizard People, Dear Reader

WPDR was released as a sort of alternative narrative (or “book on tape” as it is referred to in the recording) of the first Harry Potter movie. According to Wikipedia, the recording surfaced back in 2004 and was written and performed by the ridiculously hilarious Brad Neely. It was intended to be played in tandem with “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” (Philospher’s Stone for the rest of us) on mute but is just as capable of making one wet themselves when listened to on its own (if you are unable to sync up the two or just don’t care to try but still are morbidly curious enough to see the outcome, YouTube always has a few clips kicking around).

WPDR remains, to this day, the funniest thing I have ever experienced. I stumbled across it once in my 3rd year of university and I can swear to you with great sincerity that my life has not been then same since. This recording is the only thing in the world that can make me literally ROFL, even after the obscene about of times I’ve listened to it. If you check out absolutely nothing else on this list, let Wizard People, Dear Reader be it (Also, if it doesn’t make you laugh then we clearly can’t ever be friends).

2) Alex Reads Twilight

I make no secret of my boundless loathing for Stephanie Meyers’ runaway vampire-werewolf-“romance” hybrid series of DOOM. I quite honestly detest everything about it (but don’t worry, I made sure to force myself through ALL FOUR OF THOSE WRETCHED TOMES before coming to that conclusion. My opinion is an informed one). There have been many occasions where I have sat down and attempted to write out my reasons and feelings but each time my attempt at being diplomatic and well-spoken turns into a rant the likes of which no one has ever seen complete with COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CAPSLOCK and I need to stop myself lest I risk inciting the wrath of many a crazed fangirl.

Maybe one day I’ll find a way to tell everyone how I really feel, but until then, I’ve got Alex Day to do it for me:

Love Twilight or hate it, you owe it to yourself to watch the whole thing (at the time this post is being written I believe he’s only gotten to chapter 14 but be patient, it’s worth the wait). This guy points out nearly EVERYTHING about this book that drives me so batshit insane (and I swear it’s not just generic hate. Watch the videos and you’ll understand. Hopefully.) and yet manages to do so in a way that is just so damn entertaining that you can’t help but laugh.

Did I mention he’s British?

Once you finish with his bastardization of Twilight, be sure to check out his other videos.

(Note: I believe his friend Charlie may have actually have tried his hand for Chapter 15, so make sure you don’t miss that video. And check out his vids too. Love them both.)

3) Fuck Yeah! Slightly Amusing

FY!SA is a Tumblog curating the best (and sometimes less than best) of all things funny on the interwebz. Usually meme-based and often offensive, this site remains very true to its moniker -it’s not always hilarious, but there’s a lot about it that is. Unless you’re an absolute prude or not one for the randomness that is internet humour, you’re bound to giggle at this one at least a few dozen times.

4) Hark! A Vagrant

I’m fairly certain that I fell for Kate Beaton’s quirky artistic style and refreshing and unabashedly Canadian sense of humour back in my Livejournal days (which is to say, quite some time ago). Her comics focus mainly on history and literature and making learning fun! Or something to that effect (or is it affect? Help!). She all at once witty and charming, clever and crude. Not everyone is going to get it. If you’re among those that do, congratulations. Your gold star is in the mail.

5) Comics Curmudgeon

Speaking of comics! There’s a lot to be said about a man who choses to spend a portion of each day ripping apart the funnies page in the daily newspaper and sharing his reviews with the world on his blog (not all of these things are necessarily good, but I happen to be a fan). A writer by profession, Josh Fruhlinger’s (Seriously. How do you even pronounce that?) commentary is as smart as it is cynical. You’ll never look at The Family Circus the same way again. Trust me, he’s doing us all a big favour.

(If this one sounds familiar, it’s because I used one of his reviews to better illustrate my romantically challenged BFF’s delusional mindset in this post here).

6) Regretsy

I am so glad that this blog exists.

Etsy is, in life, a pretty wonderful website. I love being able to cruise through the works of thousands of artists and vintage sellers from the comforts of my own home. There are a lot of really beautiful and unique pieces to be found there, it’s hard to choose sometimes.

Other times, not so much.

Thats where Regretsy comes in. Taking the bullshit that plagues Etsy to task, author April Winchell does not fuck around. Her commentary and creative comebacks are just as hilarious as her finds are cringe-inducing. For every time you’ve found yourself wondering “Where do some of these Etsy people come up with this shit??”, there’s Regretsy.

(For all of my fellow anti-Meyers out there, be sure to give the Regretsy Twilight category a gander. I’ll make you smile on the outside and destroy you on the inside.)

Okay, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. Hopefully I’ve given y’all a few things to procrastinate over if nothing else. Now it’s your turn! If you have a favourite online destination for the lulz, leave a link and description in the comments!

Unless it’s 4Chan. Because, seriously, enough already.


4 Responses to “Ivory soap makes everything better (and also funnier)”

  1. kat August 5, 2010 at 8:41 am #

    I love the soap. How nice!

    And I LOVE Adam reads Twilight. I can’t stand Twilight and it kills me what a terrible lead character Bella is.

  2. ThePeachy1 August 6, 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    so… Ivory soap is like a really nice fortune cookie that cleans you? freaking awesome !

  3. Arushi Khosla August 9, 2010 at 10:54 am #

    I LOVE YOU. Twilight is THE bane of my existence. Or no, I refuse to flatter it to that extent. UGH. Alex Day is AWESOME but mostly I really like Charlie is So Cool Like.

  4. Jo and the Novelist August 10, 2010 at 4:14 am #

    I’m so sick of people telling me to read Twilight. “It’s brilliant,” they squawk “I didn’t think I’d like it either, but now I can’t put it down!”


    I don’t need to read it. It’s about abstinence. The end.

    /Rant over – exit stage left…

    Thanks for all the links – I will definitely be needing them in the not too distant future.

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