I am so sick of you being so sick of this shit

21 Jul

You know what drives me absolutely batshit insane? Logging on to Facebook and seeing shit like this in my news feed:

Oh frig, you too?

Now, before I go on, let it be know that this person is indeed a good one and really, this example is hardly a good one to be using because I’ve seen much worse. But it’s what started what will be the following rant, so.

Status updates like this? Yeah, BATSHIT INSANE.

I can’t count how many times I’ve seen this – dramatic announcements about how someone has decided that they have “had enough of this Facebook shit” and they’re leaving, godammit! Leaving, possibly, FOREVER!

Sometimes they draw it out to achieve maximum douchbagginess. Sometimes they make what they think are vague references to what everyone else knows to be people with whom they’ve had “drama”. Sometimes they’re just so freaking sick of being “used” by the money-grubbing machine that is Zuckerberg and Co. Sometimes they’re angry, sometimes they’re woe-begotten, but one thing is for certain – no one really seems to care.

Oh, sure, maybe a few people express a degree of dismay that their friend/family member/acquaintance/random they met at a bar one time could actually and truly be considering abandoning the mighty BOOK OF FACE.

“Oh noes! Why?? Don’t leave!” a friend/family member/acquaintance/random they met at a bar one time might plead. And by plead I mean type absentmindedly as per the unwritten Laws of Facebook Etiquette before switching over to the next tab to find out if TMZ has any new dirt on Miz Lohan or Mel Gibson or whomever else could actually teach our whiner friend a thing or two about Drama with a capital D.

“I’m just so sick of all this DRAMA!!1!” the whiner will proclaim, all self-righteous and such.

Yes, fuck that “drama” indeed. And, yes, please do make a scene about your displeasure because it’s important that everyone knows just how over it you really are. Because, I mean, you’re going to LEAVE FACEBOOK, right? This must be serious business.

Except that, at least on my feed, most of the people that “left the building” in this diva-esque fashion? Back within a month. Maybe they just needed to teach us all a lesson? Well it’s a good thing you made such a BIG DAMN DEAL of your departure because, shit son, I honestly wouldn’t have know you were gone otherwise.

It doesn’t always go down this way. Sometimes people are really good about their decision to break up with Facebook (and how they choose to come out about it). Sometimes people have really good reasons for doing it. I’ve had a few friends message me to let me know that they’re closing down their account because they don’t use it anymore/are concerned for their privacy/don’t like what Facebook has become/their lawyer told them to and so on and I’m like, that’s cool, thanks for the heads up.

Then of course there are people like this one guy I kind of remembered from high school who only ever seemed to use his account to bitch about his “friends” and how “fake” they all were and how sick of their “drama” he was (said “friends”, apparently used to his antics enough to have not already turfed his ass but still hurt nonetheless, would leave comments along the lines of “Err, thanks?” or “CALM THE SHIT DOWN, ASSHAT”). He threatened to jump ship again and again and again and, judging by the comments left on those martyr messages, his friends pretty much wished he would.

“Sounds like a plan, buddy!” and “Oh, would you? Please?”

I so wish I was making this shit up. But hopefully people like that are few and far between (please say yes. For the love of all that is good in humanity, say yes).

But that’s just it – yeah, you can use Facebook for pretty much any purpose your melodramatic little heart desires, but when it comes to using it as a space to launch your personal me-against-the-rest tirade, don’t be surprised when nobody seems to care.

Most of them are just there for Farmville anyway.

Oh, and the icing on the proverbial cake that is this rant?

The first comment in response to today’s Facebook cliff-hanger was thus:


(The second was “Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out”)

(The rest didn’t get much better)


7 Responses to “I am so sick of you being so sick of this shit”

  1. the grumbles July 21, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    amazing. i’ll admit, i’ve thought about leaving facebook, especially recently. but instead of whining about it like a little bitch in my status updates i just don’t say anything and never update my status, because i hate facebook.

  2. Megan (Best of Fates) July 21, 2010 at 2:10 pm #

    Wow, your friends seem both annoying and mean – or at least that large amalgamation of people you are bonded with over Facebook! I was about to say nobody I follow does that, then realized I look at my news stream roughly twice a year, accidentally, on the way to updating Best of Fates’s FB page, so I’m probably just ignorant of the drama that is brewing.

  3. kat July 21, 2010 at 10:27 pm #

    I completely understand. Status updates drive me bat shit crazy. That is why I am generally very careful about what I post as an update for myself. Wouldn’t want to drive anyone else over the edge. 🙂

  4. Jo and the Novelist July 22, 2010 at 9:36 am #

    I could *not* agree with you more. People announce their retirement from Facebook in a similar vein to how they would announce ending their life. It’s weird. I mean, what are they expecting? A parade? Some form of congratulations? A medal?! What?!

    I have similar difficulties with some of my friends’ FB status updates that are all “Soandso is really pissed off!!!!!11!” or “Soandso is so annoyed with a certain someone!” Good for you – maybe you should talk to them about it instead of announcing it on the internet.

    GAH! Don’t even get me started…

  5. Megan (Best of Fates) July 22, 2010 at 10:52 am #

    Did I ever tell you I once saw a screen shot of Farmville, and it looked adorable?

    I was so horrified at myself I couldn’t face the Internet for days.

  6. Suniverse July 27, 2010 at 9:55 am #

    Call me old fashioned, but it never ceases to surprise me that people will throw hissy fits in public, on Facebook, for the world to see. What is wrong with them? Do they have no self-respect?

    I mean, sure, it’s kind of train-wreck interesting, but mostly I’m embarrassed for them.


  1. This bitch is back in business (miss me?) « - July 28, 2010

    […] and the interwebz proving points that I made in them: Remember the guy that incited the rage behind this post? Y’know, Mr. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: