Death by fan or, Of oscillating fans and convection ovens

9 Jul

My region, much like what seems to be a rather sizable chunk of North America if the tweets are to be any indication, is in the midst of a disgusting heat wave.

I hate heat waves.

But not enough to do much about them, so.

My family lives in an old farm house. It’s something like 150-years old. As you can well imagine, it doesn’t have air conditioning. My room is upstairs in the un-air conditioned 150-year old house.

It’s toasty.

The rooms of my parents and Middle Brother are also upstairs and two days into this grungy weather both of those rooms welcomed in-window air conditioning units.

“They’re only $100 you know,” he informed me as he stood in my doorway watching me languish all sloth-like and half-conscious on my bed.

“No. I’ve got more important things to spend my money on. Besides, sweating builds character.”

He shrugged, left, and returned a moment later with the tall oscillating fan that he had been using to keep cool up until that point.

He plugged it in and all was well. Parking my ass in front of the whirling blades, I thanked him for the relief.

With a completely straight face he replied,

“You know those things kills seniors, eh? They just blow all the hot air right into their faces and it turns them into human convection ovens and SNAP, they’re dead.”

And without missed a beat he turned on his heel and left me staring at my brand new death fan in jaw-dropped terror.

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4 Responses to “Death by fan or, Of oscillating fans and convection ovens”

  1. alonewithcats July 9, 2010 at 1:15 pm #

    As I was looking at the photo of that fan, a fan was also blowing steamy air on me. It was like deja vu. Or not like deja vu at all. It’s so hot that I think I’ve forgotten what deja vu actually means.

  2. Megan (Best of Fates) July 9, 2010 at 4:31 pm #

    I was going to assure you this was false. Sadly, I didn’t have a fan as a senior, so have no personal knowledge.

    So instead, I will wish you luck.

    May you prevail over the fan.

  3. Jo and the Novelist July 9, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    Human convection ovens hey? Hmm.. I feel a new sci-fi based novel coming on… Thanks! X x x

  4. Whitney July 11, 2010 at 5:36 pm #

    Hey, as long as you can cook the beef well-done, human convection oven ahoy! Still, you might want to invest in one of those window units…

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